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Monthly Archives: February 2009

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Alan Keyes.

*sigh*

Every time Keyes runs for office and loses, BUNA’s Minister of Political Analysis asks the same question, “What is wrong with this negro?”

Fine, he wants to contribute to the great American project called democracy. Alas, he’s his cup of internalized racism overfloweth and he’s so hateful that it’s hard to feel sorry for him.

So we don’t. Especially when he talks nonsense such as this: “Obama is a radical communist, and I think it is becoming clear…That is what I told people in Illinois and now everybody realizes it’s true.”

No, what we realize, you political minstrel, is that you just need to take your paranoid, jealous ass somewhere and sit down.

We won’t even begin to comment on his fraught relationship with his daughter, her coming out, and their crazy conservative politics.

Okay, even more accurately, how much would you pay Apple to be God of Coon Island? BUNA’s Director of Recreation and Funification almost bought this game for the communal iPod Touch: Pcoket God. In Pocket God you are, well, the big heavenly jefe. You can wreak havoc with the lives of your wee island people. Alas, Funification Director had a look at the graphics and, well, compare…

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Pocket God’s island people do stuff like eat coconuts and engage in otherwise racist Gilligan’s Island native-type behavior. Just for comparison’s sake, note Pocket God natives are not that far removed from old time coon performer representations.

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Ooops, dang. We gotta go. A BUNA member known for political backsliding is trying to go rogue and buy this game anyway in direct violation of BUNA directive against contributing to enterprises that encouraging cooning. Back away from the iPod, Clarence!

Any black choir that backs up a white singer must be paid handsomely to coon. Really, what’s that pay per person, per soul-sucking minute standing under those hot-ass studio lights in purple or winter white choir robes?

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faith hill with her kumbayaa choir

Why are you adding gratuitous soul to someone who would lose in a contest with your weakest member? Does your choir director hate you that much to agree to pimp y’all out like that? Or were you really dumb enough to think singing backup on American Idol/X Factor/the Grammys would be “good exposure”?

e street band needs a choir???

e street band needs a choir???

Know what else is good exposure? Singing in the subway. At least you get top billing and some change for pork rinds on the train platform.

P.S. I’m also gonna include black singers with Messiah-complex’s who add-choir-and-stir. I know Kanye’s award-winning song is called “Jesus Walks,” but having a choir hoist you into the air while wearing Freddie Mercury wings? For reals?

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One day I hope Kanye and Bono have a bitch-slap fight: “I’M the second coming!” “No, I’M the second coming.” You both degrade your talent. Shut up.

30518562Black actors have it rough in ol’ Blighty. The BBC doesn’t do ’em right. The soap, Eastenders, has pretty much consigned one of the nation’s finest Afro-Caribbean actors (Rudolph Walker as Patrick Truman) to owning the cornershop, left by his wife, playing PeePaw to kids that ain’t his, and hit on by one too many pension-age white women. We think there was a recent plotline nod to the historic Notting Hill Riots, but BUNA’s Manager of the Remote Control lost patience with this shows wack attitude (wackitude?) toward blackness and refused to let us watch anymore. We’re like that: hive mind.

And black folk don’t fare much better on channels with advertising either. Mostly featured are black men with ridiculous perms, singing (again with the choirs!), usually wearing shades of black and blue. Why are they always wearing this combination of colors? Is that the color of their battered black man souls from wrestling with their consciences? Howard Brown (pictured above riding a swan, for some inexplicable, pass-the-bong reason), a former Halifax Bank employee turned singing spokesman, was routinely voted the most annoying person on telly. BUNA would suggest that even white folks don’t like to see a black man degraded, as Howard was in the YouTube clip (below) or in this series of truly coon-y pics collated by the fascist, but accurate in this instance Daily Mail.

The one ad that BUNA was on the fence about has subsequently been pulled. Cadbury was trying to foment a “gum revolution” using a dub poet, running around shouting at people through a megaphone, “Mastication for de Nation!!!”

BUNA’s immature, so we really only heard this brother (allegedly a dub poet) advocating masturbation for de nation, which is fine by us. A wank is better than gum anytime. Nonetheless, some obscure Pan-African organization (Ligali—since when?) along with other black folks complained to the Advertising Standards Authority and got a ruling that the ad should be pulled. BUNA doesn’t really give a toss about Cadbury and thinks they should steer clear of gum and stick with choccie. They could’ve saved everyone a lot of aggro if they’d had the brother write an actual dub poem about their gum, thereby, spreading come cultural literacy and shilling their ridiculous product.

Now I hear some of you saying, “give the thespian brothers & sisters a break. There aren’t a lot of roles and black people gotta eat, too.” True, not a lot of roles…okay, no roles. But, really, if I feed y’all will you stop taking these coon-a-rific roles?

I hate to cook and live off hummus, No-No crackers, and white wine, but my diet is rich in vitamins D-I-G-N-I-T-and Y!

Gather ’round, chil’ren. BUNA’s got a lesson for you. Check out this interview from BlackBook with amazing artist Kara Walker. She is a prime example of what happens when you don’t coon, when you follow your heart, and use your talents for good rather than evil. We can’t claim that she’s not taking money from The Man ’cause she had a McArthur (“Genius”) grant, but we ain’t hatin’ because her artwork is a stick in the hornet’s nest of racist and sexist stereotypes. 1206karawalkerreddot

Oh, yes, my friends, Kara Walker is a shit-stirrer and we LIKE it! If BUNA had some dosh or some cowery shells or some shit, we’d try and trade them in for a Kara Walker silhouette to splash across the lobby at BUNA HQ.

Aaron McGruder’s always good for callin’ people out on their race disgracin’ behavior. For example, long before Tyler Perry got off the chitlin circuit with them dumbass plays and started making bank off black folks self-hating enough to pay to see his mess, Boondocks said:

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Why it’s better to see a pirated version of a Tyler Perry film with people gettin’ up to go to the bathroom than actually put money in his coonful pocket, that’s a whole ‘nother entry…

BUNA will be playing catch up for a while on all the trifflingness some of us have gotten up to, so bear with us. For example, though her blog is now defunct on Blogger, we concur, like, to the millionth degree with this sistah’s assertions about little black girls dancin’ like hoochies in videos.

This shit is unacceptable. It is not cute. These girlchildren are not “expressing themselves.” They’re mimicking the straight up wack behavior they see the older women in their lives exhibiting and what they think boy and men want to see.While I am all for the creativity and spirit of African-American dance, this shit’s just skanky.

Start a movement: let’s keep our girls off the pole! (yeah, we stole that from Chris Rock who is so not cooning!)

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FAQoon

What is “cooning”?

Cooning has a long history in America. Also known as “shuckin’ and jivin’,” “sellin’ out,” acting like an Uncle Tom, and just straight up disgracin’ the (black) race, cooning is going to be called out wherever and whenever we see it. Dr. David Pilgrim and his Jim Crow Museum do an amazing job of cataloging and explaining the historical and contemporary manifestation of racist stereotypes. This website is in no way affiliated with the Jim Crow Museum.

Isn’t accusing somone of being a “coon” racist?

Let’s separate behavior and actions from one’s essence . Cooning is verb. We’re not accusing anyone of being a so-called coon, but let’s face it: some people act straight up foolish and they need to be called on it. That said, if I was accusing people of being coons, Clarence Thomas would get a daily entry. Damn. Yeah, we hate his ass.

Who are you?

We are the Bureau of Uppity Negro Affairs (BUNA). BUNA’s mad. BUNA’s goal is to name and shame those making a mockery of black achievement and getting in the way of racial progress. BUNA is putting a foot in the ass of those who seek to exploit blackness for a taste of the almight dollar.

Why can’t I make a comment?

Cause we don’t give a rat’s tiny ass what you think. Go start your own blog. Go on! Git!